Last night I had a curious and moving dream about a "Black Mother." I was in a place (where? somewhere I had been as a child, but also there seems to be some connection with the valley over at Edelin's) and I realized I had come there for a reunion with a Negro foster mother whom I had loved in my childhood. Indeed,I owed, it seemed, my life to her love so that it was she really and not my natural mother, who had given me life. As if from her had come a new life and there she was. Her face was ugly and severe,and yet a great warmth came from her to me, and we embraced with great love (and I with much gratitude) and what I recognized was not her face but the warmth of her embrace and of her heart so to speak. We danced a little together, I and my Black Mother, and then I had to continue the journey I was on.
-From Dancing in the Waters of Life: The Journals of Thomas Merton
Much has been said and done concerning the book and movie, The Help. Some feel it is too much (fill in the blank), others too little (fill in the blank).I just know one thing. It is Real. I am not saying it is good writing, good acting, even true about civil rights. I am saying it is real. I can still feel and smell Ellen. Her big fat soft arms, cool skin, sweet lotion (with a little tobacco smell mixed in.) Not the feel or smell of my mother. Ellen was something different.
20/20 did a segment after the movie came out that showed the relationship between two middle-aged white women and their childhood maids. (Sorry. That is what we called Ellen, and to me it is a title of great honor. Housekeeper lacks any personal warmth or connection. I'm just sayin') I know 20/20 wants to tug at your heartstrings, but they uncovered, I think unwittingly a great truth. The relationship between those women and their maids was not anything like the one depicted between the currently young children and their nanny. Not the same animal.
I can't say exactly why, but the relationship treasured by so many in my generation and geography was sacred. Maybe it had something to do with crossing cultural bounds. Maybe economic ones. Maybe it was something akin to the story of a long ago slave..."You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good". There was so much bad and wrong going on in the 60's and 70's , racially speaking. But in my house, I was loved. By my family. And by my maid.
Peace be with you, Ellen. I'll see you when the roll is called up yonder.I look forward to being embraced in that most gracious and generous bosom.
I remember feeling much the same way when I first read (then re-read and re-read) *Gone With the Wind* and *To Kill a Mockingbird.* Mammy and Calpurnia were noble old souls, portrayed by their very talented creators without the slightest trace of caricature, without the least bathetic straining-for-sympathy---just as humans in a deep and real relationship with their employer/family. And who was the character in *Member of the Wedding*? Same thing.
ReplyDeleteThe book/movie has certainly spawned a lot of talk, and everyone's opinion is valid. I know I'm in the extreme minority when I say I didn't like it (book, that is; haven't seen the film) but I absolutely cannot force myself to get past mediocre writing. I agree: it was an excellent story worth telling. I only wish someone had edited the ms before publication. But I'm sure she's laughing all the way to the bank!